Already Gone
by InuLuna19
Summary: Based off of Kelly Clarkson's song 'Already Gone'. Kikyo looks back at her past and realizes that her leaving was the best decision she had made. AU.


Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson.

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Never Meant For Do or Die

Five years. It had been five years since we had broken things off. Five years since I left you. The man that I loved. I remember us talking about all of the things we wanted in the future. How we would live our life and love each other. But we were naïve. I was naïve. I didn't know myself well enough and ended up hurting you and causing painful, haunting memories. In the end it seemed as if we were meant to say goodbye. To say goodbye from the start.

Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories, are haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye

We had been together for three years prior to that. We both started to date in college, our junior year. It was love, or so I thought. We were determined even when everyone around us said that it would never work out. We decided to stick it out and hold our fists up high. Yet it still didn't work out. We were never meant for forever, marriage. We were never meant for do or die.

Even with our fists held higher,  
It never would've worked out right (Yea)  
We were never meant for do or die

I remember our first fight, it was two and a half years ago. It was about your blood. How you are a half demon. How everyone criticizing us was somehow your fault. You took all of it. Me throwing things and screaming, even as it hurt your ears. In reality I never wanted us to end. To have that fire between us burn out. I had never meant to hurt you, but after that first fight I couldn't stop.

I didn't want us to burn out  
I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop

I slowly realized that we were growing apart. You were becoming more irritable and I was becoming a prejudiced bitch. I never hated you. I couldn't, but I realized that I didn't love you. Yet I still didn't want to let you go. I wanted to hold on for a little linger. Yet it didn't matter, because the road that we were on one of us had to leave, or we would destroy each other. I knew you still loved me, even as I began to despise a part of you. Which is why I am standing on the other side of the street from you five years later. I wanted you to move on, which is why I am already gone.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I remember a specifically bad day when I was angry at the world and you. Looking at your inhuman features mad it harder for me to contain my anger and self-hatred. Self-hatred for despising the one that I love. Now I know that you will move on, find a new love, one that doesn't break your heart and make you cry.

Looking at you makes it harder  
But I know that you'll find another  
That doesn't always make you want to cry

We met in a club just off campus. We were both drinking, but not drunk. WE danced for most of the night, then you walked me back to my apartment. We kissed and the trap had been set. We were both snared and I could feel the poison set in. It was perfect. You were perfect. A perfect night, perfect guy and perfect heart. Yet perfect couldn't keep our relationship alive, couldn't keep this love alive.

Started with a perfect kiss then  
We could feel the poison set in  
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

I loved you and I would tell you truthfully, but at the same time I despised half of you. It grew inside of and before I knew it it out weighed the love I held for you. I loved you, I still do, but I didn't want to let go. I knew I had to, and that you never would. You would suffer through everything and anything for me. All because you loved me. That was what drew me to you in the first place. It was your heart, and somewhere in our relationship I had lost mine. Yet I found that I did love you, I loved you enough to let you go.

You know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

You pleaded to me that day that I said it was over. I had already made my decision and I was already gone. You tried to say that we would make it work and make all of our dreams come true. But I knew that when it is wrong, you can't make it feel right and the situation we were in was wrong. I loved and despised you, you hated yourself for who you were and never once blamed me. It was unhealthy for the both of us and it had to end. I left even as you said that you would never be able to move on from what we had. But by that time I was already gone.

I'm already gone, already gone  
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong  
I'm already gone, already gone  
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone  
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

"Kikyo? What are you thinking?" my husband asked me. I hadn't realized just how lost in my thoughts I was. I smiled at him from across our café table. He was very different from Inuyasha. I met him when I was in a car crash three years ago, after my short tryst with a disgusting man, Naraku, just to get my mind off of Inuyasha. He wanted to kill me for breaking it off with him, so he used a car to do it. I still have scarring, but Suikotsu treated me and took care of me in the hospital. He was my doctor and support throughout Naraku's trial. Inuyasha never knew about it. I made sure of it.

"Just about the past." I said to him as I took a drink of my lemonade and stirred my small bowl of tomato bisque. I dipped the bread that was provided with the soup into it and then took a small bite.

Suikotsu was looking at me with a worried expression that I assumed he was thinking about Naraku. "You weren't thinking about that bastard were you?" he practically growled. He wasn't a demon, but if you hurt the ones he loved then he was, let's just say incredibly irritable.

"No, dear. Before that I dated another hanyou. His name was Inuyasha and he was nothing like _him_. He was kind and gentle, but I was mean and hateful. I broke it off and broke his heart in the process. I sighed and looked up into the apologetic and sympathetic eyes of my husband. I love him, truly I do.

"You loved him a lot." He said as a statement. Not concerned by that fact at all.

"Yes" I said as I sipped my lemonade. "I loved him and he loved me. He is actually just across the street. The one with the puppy ears and silver hair." I said as I motioned to a tall man with long silver hair and adorable puppy ears on his head. He was turned away from us and was tapping his foot impatiently. He waited in front of a tall office building with his red Mercedes parked in front of it.

"And just how did I manage to get you?" Suikotsu joked lightly.

I turned to him and smiled, "That is because you are such a good doctor. And because I love you so much" I said and placed a hand on my slightly rounded stomach. I believe that all of this happened for a reason. If it hadn't I never would have met Suikotsu.

I turned again to look at my ex-love once more. This time I noticed that he was looking at all of the people who exited the building as if he was searching for someone. Then I could practically see his entire self light up as he pushed past people to get to a wavy raven haired girl. She had striking blue grey eyes that shone against the sun. She was curvier and shorter than myself, but had the same facial structure. I watched as the embraced and kissed. She laughed when he rubbed his nose in the crook of her neck and smelled her. I always hated it when he did that. I always hated public displays of affection with him, yet it didn't seem to bother her. I smiled and thought to myself, 'I told you that you would find another, and you two look perfect for one another.' At that thought I continued to eat and converse with my husband as Inuyasha and my cousin Kagome got into his car and left. It amazes me that his love was right in front of him for the longest time, and it took me leaving to have him turn to her. I'm glad that I left, that I'm already gone. I'm glad that we **both **moved on. After all, even from the beginning, we were never meant for do or die.

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A/N: I wanted to a Kikyo POV, just because. I like the way I portray her and explain things. She actually fits the song quite well. Not too sure how well this is written. It is kind of written like my other one, 'Only Human'. Kid of just jumps places, but I feel that It fits. Short and sweet.

Thanks for reading. And for the love all that is not sacred in fan fiction (because you know NOTHING is sacred here) review!


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